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Responsibility

Too Much To Do?

What is too much to do? Is it possible it is a way of looking at what we want to do, what we feel we need to do?
I experience occasions, sometimes more often than others, a sense of having too much to do. Getting into this space can also lead to an experience of overwhelm. When I find myself in this situation I have learned to step back and reassess my “list of too much to do” items.

One simple strategy I use to elevate the feeling of too much to do or overwhelm is to stop and re-evaluate what I want to do. I do this by making a list on paper of everything that I have been holding in my head. Just this one step often provides great relief.

The second step is to begin to prioritize the things on my list. I prioritize by putting a 1 next to the items I feel are the most important items for me to complete first. If that is a short list I might then go ahead and prioritize some of the items as a 2. Most of the time this gives me plenty of work to do in the near future. To keep from falling back into the too much to do trap I perform this little exercise 2-3 days a week, based on what I need that particular week.

Learn & Grow

Ted Mersino works with individuals and groups to develop the skills and abilities to create more of what they want in their life. Contact Ted today for a free consultation at ted (at) pivotalgrowth.com or 541-515-4133.

Self Flagellation

Self flagellation is not a commitment to change. It may be an unconscious commitment to staying the same.

Learn. Grow. Change.

Make Your Wish A Reality

A goal can start out as a wish. It’s something we want in our life. Something we want to add, change or removed. They can both also start out with a lot of energy and excitement.

And that may be where the commonalities end. Where a wish may never produce results in and of itself a goal has the potential to create the desired outcome.

Moving from a wish to reality:

  1. Get clear on what you want and why you want it.
  2. Determine when you want to achieve your goal and put a completion date on it.
  3. Now quantify your goal. For example, I will complete 15 pages a week of my book for the next 10 weeks.
  4. Share your plan with people you trust allowing them to support you and celebrate you as you make progress.
  5. Ask for help from individuals that have experience if/when you encounter a obstacle or challenge.

Be cognoscente that goals may require us to stretch and may create resistance within ourselves, that is OK. Going after goals is a great opportunity to learn and grow, both from stretching and from examining our resistance.

Ted Mersino works with individuals and groups to develop the skills and abilities to create more of what they want in their life. Contact Ted today for a free consultation ted (at) pivotalgrowth.com or 541-515-4133.

Gratitude Made Easy

Our family has a 9-10 year old female corgi/golden retriever mix. We got her from the shelter 2 years ago and she has turned out to be a great dog for us. This afternoon when I returned home she met me half way up the stairs as I was coming down. When we reached the bottom she gave me a quick bark. Roughly translated, I need to go out and I want you to take me.

And then this is when it gets good. Once she gets the signal that I am going to take her out (I get the leash) she gets all excited and starts jumping around with all kinds of enthusiasm. You would think she was getting the biggest juiciest piece of steak in the world (though she could not chew it if she did), but no, she is getting to go outside to relieve herself. In her excitement she is letting me now how much she appreciates me taking her out.

What a great expression of gratitude. And a great side effect, regardless of my mood prior to that moment, I get a smile on my face.

Gratitude. It does not have to be hard. It can actually be FUN.

Self Sabotage & Passive Aggression

Not Just Your Typical Post!

When I think of “passive aggressive behavior” I think of behaviors between two or more people. It can be a spoken or unspoken attempt to control another individual, with the purpose of affecting the outcome that is wanted or unwanted.

But what if it is possible to be passive aggressive towards ourselves? To try and manipulate ourselves in that same hostile and controlling way.

Consider those situations you want to do something and yet you do not do it. I am talking about things you really want. What I have found is that some or many of the things we want to do but do not do are the outcome of  unconscious resistance to ourselves. On the surface we say we want something and yet deeper down, in our unconscious we do not want to risk experiencing the thing or situation.

I can say I want a better paying job, a better relationship, to move to a new area, more clients, etc., but if I am afraid of the outcome, say rejection, I may not move forward to get those things in my life.

So on one hand we are telling ourselves we really want something and at the same time we are resisting and possibly passive aggressively flogging ourselves for not doing it. We have passive aggression interactions with others because we want or don’t want something. We can do the same thing to ourselves. The outcome: we create hurt and pain within ourselves (even if we are not aware of it)!

So what do we do about this passive aggressive behavior toward ourselves? Own it. And I don’t mean the own it in your head, I am talking about owning that we don’t want to do it at the head, heard and soul levels. This level of ownership opens the door to real change (and healing). Sit with your resistance as long as you need in order to fully feel it – not just think it. Own that you want this thing or situation but at the same time and perhaps even stronger you don’t want it (because of the possible outcome that may not be what we want it to be).

Once we fully own, at a heart level, that we are holding ourselves back – then we have taken the power back from our unconscious tendency toward passive aggressive resistance. Now we have a chance of stepping beyond our own passive aggressive resistance toward creating more of what you want in your life. Now we can consciously choose to do or not do something. Try it.

  1. Look at what “want” you have had for some time.
  2. Have you been putting it off, if so, look deeper for avoidance which is also a “don’t want”
  3. Stop & fully own that resistance and speak it out loud.
  4. Step forward and honor your want
  5. Now decide consciously if you still want this thing or situation and own that decision
  6. Now either let it go or decide what step you could take today, tomorrow or next week to get this want in your life.

Allowing Visualization to Work

Visualizing what we want in our life is a great step toward creating what we want. There is value in visualizing what we want.

The trick with visualization is to visualize and then get on with doing what it is that will bring that visualization into reality. Can visualization alone attract what you want into your life? Possibly. But I see a great deal more evidence of success by individuals adding other key ingredients to their visualization, like passion and action.

I have found that passion and action go a long way toward bringing about the future we want to experience. Visualizing a lot of money in the bank or the love of their life standing next to them, but then never taking the risk to get out there is naive to me.

Visualize and then get out there and passionately pursue your vision and allow your intuition to guide you along they way rather than your fear or want of control.

Ever Expanding Opportunities

Ever have that thought, “they’re getting ahead of me”, “they did what I was thinking about doing”, “they are better at it than me”, “I’ll never be as good as them”…the list goes on. You may not say these things, but do you have some parallel thoughts of your own?

So someone is already doing what you thought about doing, great! They are doing it better than you judge you could do it, great! They are way ahead of where you are at – GREAT!

What I experience in my life is continually expanding opportunities. There are so many facets to parenting, to running a business, to growing roses, to making love – the list is endless. Some of those ideas might be an  idea that changes how the world works, others may not or may not in a big bang way.

My point is – don’t spend a lot of time comparing. Do a little homework and then follow your intuition. The world is always expanding into new frontiers, from the pony express (days, weeks, months, years?)  to electron mail that is in (milliseconds, seconds, minutes).

Move forward. Take the risk. Copy if you have to – but get out there and then really listen to your intuition so you can make course corrections if beneficial to you and the world.

What Next People?

So, what exciting things are you intending for 2012? What really sounds good to you versus what you “should” or “have to” do? I know, you may have things you don’t want to stop doing because of the impact on your life style. But what about the incremental steps you can start taking today to move you in the direction of what you really want to do and experience in your life? Dig down and dream, feel the excitement that comes with putting your ass on the line. Dream big and then take it step by step.

Go for it!

Commitment to Happiness

Regardless of what is happening around us we can choose our thoughts and our attitude.

In my more recent post I have written that what we create for ourselves, for our life, is a choice. Our thoughts related to what we create may be conscious or unconscious – and that is a choice too. Where we put our attention, our awareness, in any given moment – is a choice.

"Mind is the Master power that moulds and makes,
And Man is Mind, and evermore he takes
The tool of Thought, and, shaping what he wills,
Brings forth a thousand joys, a thousand ills: —
He thinks in secret, and it comes to pass:
Environment is but his looking-glass."

by James Allen, 1902

As I have posted earlier and as James Allen said so long ago, our mind is the power that molds and makes our reality. Our happiness follows that same principle. Through our thoughts we have the ability to create our own happiness. Regardless of what is happening around us we can choose our thoughts and our attitude. We can choose to be happy.

The question is, are you willing to be happy? Are you willing to choose your thoughts and attitude – to commit to being happy in your life?

Thoughts that Achieve Goals

What might this list of thoughts have in common? I don't want to look foolish. I don't want to fail. I don't want to miss the deadline. I don't want to lose money. I don't want to lose my client. I don't want to stay stuck in this job. I don't want to have my kids talk back to me. I don't want my kids to fail. I don't want to hear my neighbors lawn mower. Etcetera.

When a thought is reoccurring we have an investment in it. These thoughts continue to occur because we continue to focus our energy on them. If we had no attachment to them they would cease to come to mind. In reality we are choosing these thoughts by continuing to focus on them. Given we are choosing to invest energy in them one could argue we want these thoughts in our life.

When we focus our energy on what we don't want we are missing opportunities to focus on what we do want. Yes, we want to make room to acknowledge what we don't want. Once we acknowledge what we don't want we have a choice. Do I continue to focus on what I don't want or do I focus my energy on what I do want.

What if there is a correlation between what we get in life and the energy we invest in thoughts of what we want and what we don't want? What could you be focusing your energy right now?

When a "I don't want" thought persist take time to see if there is a feeling below the thought that you could explore. There is a process of exploring and releasing the feelings that anchor these thoughts. I have frequent webinars and teleclasses that cover these issues. Check my up and coming Events page.