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Leaning into the Unknown

Too Much To Do?

What is too much to do? Is it possible it is a way of looking at what we want to do, what we feel we need to do?
I experience occasions, sometimes more often than others, a sense of having too much to do. Getting into this space can also lead to an experience of overwhelm. When I find myself in this situation I have learned to step back and reassess my “list of too much to do” items.

One simple strategy I use to elevate the feeling of too much to do or overwhelm is to stop and re-evaluate what I want to do. I do this by making a list on paper of everything that I have been holding in my head. Just this one step often provides great relief.

The second step is to begin to prioritize the things on my list. I prioritize by putting a 1 next to the items I feel are the most important items for me to complete first. If that is a short list I might then go ahead and prioritize some of the items as a 2. Most of the time this gives me plenty of work to do in the near future. To keep from falling back into the too much to do trap I perform this little exercise 2-3 days a week, based on what I need that particular week.

Learn & Grow

Ted Mersino works with individuals and groups to develop the skills and abilities to create more of what they want in their life. Contact Ted today for a free consultation at ted (at) pivotalgrowth.com or 541-515-4133.

Make Your Wish A Reality

A goal can start out as a wish. It’s something we want in our life. Something we want to add, change or removed. They can both also start out with a lot of energy and excitement.

And that may be where the commonalities end. Where a wish may never produce results in and of itself a goal has the potential to create the desired outcome.

Moving from a wish to reality:

  1. Get clear on what you want and why you want it.
  2. Determine when you want to achieve your goal and put a completion date on it.
  3. Now quantify your goal. For example, I will complete 15 pages a week of my book for the next 10 weeks.
  4. Share your plan with people you trust allowing them to support you and celebrate you as you make progress.
  5. Ask for help from individuals that have experience if/when you encounter a obstacle or challenge.

Be cognoscente that goals may require us to stretch and may create resistance within ourselves, that is OK. Going after goals is a great opportunity to learn and grow, both from stretching and from examining our resistance.

Ted Mersino works with individuals and groups to develop the skills and abilities to create more of what they want in their life. Contact Ted today for a free consultation ted (at) pivotalgrowth.com or 541-515-4133.

Change & Overwhelm – 5 Suggestions

The stock market crashing, losing a job or a good friend – can all be a significant events in our lives, significant change and they can all trigger a sense of overload or overwhelm.

Change is one constant we can all depend upon. We may not always know the time variable of change, but we can be certain of it. A potential outcome of change is a sense of overwhelm.

Overwhelm as I am using it here refers to a sense of emotional overload. We are experiencing so much change or information (e.g., grief, sadness, fear) that we feel overloaded or overwhelmed.

Experiencing a sense of overwhelm does not need to be a lasting feeling or much less than a fleeting feeling. There are things we can consciously choose that help us move through overwhelm. Here are five (5) suggestions for shifting out of overwhelm.

  1. Focus on the facts versus a story (making up one or buying into that of another).
  2. Stay in the moment, where we work best (versus getting worried about what might happen).
  3. Identify steps you can take (if any) to better the situation.
  4. Create a plan if there are several steps you can take
  5. Focus on the 2-3 highest priority action steps you can take and tackle those first.

Ted Mersino works with individuals and groups to develop the skills and abilities to create more of what they want in their life. Contact Ted today for a free consultation ted (at) pivotalgrowth.com or 541-515-4133.

 

 

Gratitude Made Easy

Our family has a 9-10 year old female corgi/golden retriever mix. We got her from the shelter 2 years ago and she has turned out to be a great dog for us. This afternoon when I returned home she met me half way up the stairs as I was coming down. When we reached the bottom she gave me a quick bark. Roughly translated, I need to go out and I want you to take me.

And then this is when it gets good. Once she gets the signal that I am going to take her out (I get the leash) she gets all excited and starts jumping around with all kinds of enthusiasm. You would think she was getting the biggest juiciest piece of steak in the world (though she could not chew it if she did), but no, she is getting to go outside to relieve herself. In her excitement she is letting me now how much she appreciates me taking her out.

What a great expression of gratitude. And a great side effect, regardless of my mood prior to that moment, I get a smile on my face.

Gratitude. It does not have to be hard. It can actually be FUN.

Developing an Attitude for Success – 5 Steps

Is attitude everything? Does our attitude define how we experience life, relationships and success in all areas of our life.  I would say it is not everything – but it determines a great deal of what we experience in our lives. A great deal.

I would describe attitude as our disposition, our way of being in the world based on thoughts, ideas and behaviors that are rooted in beliefs about ourselves and the world.

We spend a significant amount of time in school and in programs that teach of the technical aspects of life, which we need as a society to continue to progress. In the area of attitude, the behavioral sciences, we tend to spend significant less time. Learning about our attitude and how to possibly change it is left primarily to the individual.

As adults we can reevaluate the thoughts, ideas and beliefs we have developed that impact our attitude and therefore our life. We can take full responsibility for our attitude. We can choose to become conscious by stepping back to identify our thoughts, ideas and beliefs. In that awareness we have the opportunity to continue to live by those thoughts, ideas and beliefs or choose new ones.

To make these changes in attitude here are 5 steps (based loosely on the Dicken’s Technique, popularized by Anthony Robbins):

  1. Choosing to Become Conscious – as simple as this sounds, many of us walk around in a state of semi-consciousness. We developed our beliefs at such a young age we are no longer aware of their existence. So the first steps is to choose to be aware. As we go about our day or we taking time out to become aware, we can check in with ourselves. How am I acting. What am I thinking. What is my mood.
  2. Identifying Beliefs – As we observe ourselves we have an opportunity to ask what must I believe in order to act this way, think these thoughts or to be in this mood. We could ask why we believe what we believe or what happened in our lives to develop this belief but that is less important than identifying the belief itself. What is the belief (e.g., financial abundance is bad, being skinny is good, being nice is good, conflict is bad).
  3. Evaluating the Cost or Benefit – Once we have become aware of a belief the next question is – does the belief benefit my life. Does this belief make my life better. Do I feel better in my life with this belief. If you are not feeling better by holding this belief then there is most likely a cost to holding the belief.
  4. Decision on Change – The next question is, for those beliefs that cost you in your life, are you willing to change those beliefs. This is an important point because we can want something different but not be willing to do something about it. Change can take effort and courage. Our beliefs can affect our whole lives and our relationships. The deciding factor though is the cost and possibly the pain caused by the belief. Are we willing to continue to pay the price or would we like our beliefs to serve to make our life better.
  5. Anchoring the Change 
  • In order to really make a deep and lasting change to our beliefs we need to replace the existing belief with something new, something that serves us in our lives versus something that cost us. So the first thing you want to do is really get clear on the cost and to really feel that cost. To really feel the cost of that belief both now and in the future. One year from now, 5 years, 10 years, 20 years – what is the cost over time.
  • After you have allowed yourself to really feel the cost of the belief you turn it around and do the opposite. What if you changed the belief. What could your life look like if you no longer had the belief. How might you feel. What good things might you attract into your life. Really feel those good feelings.

If you have really allowed yourself to follow these steps, investing particular attention in step 5, you should feel a difference in how you hold yourself and your future. This is a powerful process that you can use to change any belief and thus change your attitude and thus your opportunity for success.

From Avoidance to Great Satisfaction – 5 Steps

Fear, it can feel so debilitating or overwhelming, creating avoidance in our lives. There are times when fear and avoidance is good. It keeps us from getting hurt in some way (e.g., stepping in front of a moving vehicle), physically or mentally. And then there are those situations when avoidance can be debilitating and we need to do the thing we are afraid anyway.

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Take for example a conflict at work or in your family. Someone has spoken something to a third party that is either not true or negative, without benefit to anyone and likely hurtful consequences to someone. Addressing a situation like this could be very scary for some people. In other words, addressing conflict=BAD. And yet, leaving this situation unaddressed is very likely more hurtful to everyone involved. It is negative and only lowers the energy of those that are affected and even beyond.

Stepping up and facing into our fears (versus avoiding) in these situations can turn the fear into positive influence, such as re-establishing integrity, building trust, reducing negative influences and developing the courage to take of ourselves. There are many other examples we could mention in the home or at work. It is about facing into the fear that is tide to doing what is right, not what is easy.

Here are 5 steps to make it easier to address situations you may be avoiding.

1. Stop and be willing to acknowledge and be in integrity with your fear.

2. Look to see if you have made up a story about the situation that is making the fear bigger than it needs to be (e.g., she will just turn me down if I ask her out…I am not good enough for her…she is so much better looking than me, etc., etc.,).

3. Now remove the story from the situation. Look at the facts of the situation.

4. Ask yourself how might I feel about myself if I don’t step into and through my fear. If you are honest you will see you would likely feel less confident, less secure, less than, etc.

5. Now ask yourself how you might feel if you do step into your fear and this situation. Again, if you are honest with yourself you will acknowledge that you might feel more self respect, more confident, more capable, etc.

Although this is not a step, it is one of the most important things I can share with you regarding this process. There is no failure.

Regardless of what you choose to do, it is only information. Do it, don’t do it, do it and it feels hard or gets messy. These are all outcomes that we can learn from – versus judging ourselves as good or bad. Keep this in mind, it is a powerful principle in life’s journey.

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Create Time for Your Success – 5 Steps

The idea of creating my own time seemed foreign to me when I originally heard of it. We have 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and 52 weeks in a year. How do I create more time.

Let’s take what cost us time first. I have a list of 10 things I want to get done. I prioritize them based on the sense of urgency I feel toward each of those items. Sense of urgency equaling the potential for pain I might feel if I don’t get something done. Simple enough right? No. Yes, some of those urgent things may give you an increase in energy, but quite often the urgent things are a drain on our system. Going out on a limb a bit further, I might add that always putting the urgent things first can turn into a habit, a perpetual cycle.

Now let’s look at our 10 things that we want to get done from the stand point of what will give me a return on my time ©. For me, writing this blog post gives me a boost. I don’t write my blog because I have to write it. I write it because it aligns with my purpose, my direction in life. And when I do write in my blog, my energy level goes up and I have more energy to do those things that I want to get done. In a sense, I have compressed what I can get done into a smaller time frame because I have increased my energy to do what I want to do.

By doing the things that energize us we are investing in our energy thereby increasing it and what we can get done – which results in a return on our time.

My 5 Steps for Creating Time

  1. Create a list of things you want to do (daily, every other day, weekly, etc.)
  2. Now prioritize the items on your list based on which items will give you the most energy.
  3. Start each day working on those things at the top of your list (those energy building task).
  4. Mid-way through your day evaluate your energy level and your list. Would you get more done continuing to do those high energy activities or would it feel right to switch and get an urgent item off your list? Make a decision and do that thing.
  5. Periodically take note of your energy level. When you find your energy level dropping ask yourself what it is you really want to be doing now.

I do not see this as a time management technique. I see it as an energy expanding technique that has an investment affect on our time, of creating more time for us to do what I want to do.

Give it a try for a week and let me know in the comments. Or email me your thoughts and reactions at .

Self Sabotage & Passive Aggression

Not Just Your Typical Post!

When I think of “passive aggressive behavior” I think of behaviors between two or more people. It can be a spoken or unspoken attempt to control another individual, with the purpose of affecting the outcome that is wanted or unwanted.

But what if it is possible to be passive aggressive towards ourselves? To try and manipulate ourselves in that same hostile and controlling way.

Consider those situations you want to do something and yet you do not do it. I am talking about things you really want. What I have found is that some or many of the things we want to do but do not do are the outcome of  unconscious resistance to ourselves. On the surface we say we want something and yet deeper down, in our unconscious we do not want to risk experiencing the thing or situation.

I can say I want a better paying job, a better relationship, to move to a new area, more clients, etc., but if I am afraid of the outcome, say rejection, I may not move forward to get those things in my life.

So on one hand we are telling ourselves we really want something and at the same time we are resisting and possibly passive aggressively flogging ourselves for not doing it. We have passive aggression interactions with others because we want or don’t want something. We can do the same thing to ourselves. The outcome: we create hurt and pain within ourselves (even if we are not aware of it)!

So what do we do about this passive aggressive behavior toward ourselves? Own it. And I don’t mean the own it in your head, I am talking about owning that we don’t want to do it at the head, heard and soul levels. This level of ownership opens the door to real change (and healing). Sit with your resistance as long as you need in order to fully feel it – not just think it. Own that you want this thing or situation but at the same time and perhaps even stronger you don’t want it (because of the possible outcome that may not be what we want it to be).

Once we fully own, at a heart level, that we are holding ourselves back – then we have taken the power back from our unconscious tendency toward passive aggressive resistance. Now we have a chance of stepping beyond our own passive aggressive resistance toward creating more of what you want in your life. Now we can consciously choose to do or not do something. Try it.

  1. Look at what “want” you have had for some time.
  2. Have you been putting it off, if so, look deeper for avoidance which is also a “don’t want”
  3. Stop & fully own that resistance and speak it out loud.
  4. Step forward and honor your want
  5. Now decide consciously if you still want this thing or situation and own that decision
  6. Now either let it go or decide what step you could take today, tomorrow or next week to get this want in your life.

Allowing Visualization to Work

Visualizing what we want in our life is a great step toward creating what we want. There is value in visualizing what we want.

The trick with visualization is to visualize and then get on with doing what it is that will bring that visualization into reality. Can visualization alone attract what you want into your life? Possibly. But I see a great deal more evidence of success by individuals adding other key ingredients to their visualization, like passion and action.

I have found that passion and action go a long way toward bringing about the future we want to experience. Visualizing a lot of money in the bank or the love of their life standing next to them, but then never taking the risk to get out there is naive to me.

Visualize and then get out there and passionately pursue your vision and allow your intuition to guide you along they way rather than your fear or want of control.

Ever Expanding Opportunities

Ever have that thought, “they’re getting ahead of me”, “they did what I was thinking about doing”, “they are better at it than me”, “I’ll never be as good as them”…the list goes on. You may not say these things, but do you have some parallel thoughts of your own?

So someone is already doing what you thought about doing, great! They are doing it better than you judge you could do it, great! They are way ahead of where you are at – GREAT!

What I experience in my life is continually expanding opportunities. There are so many facets to parenting, to running a business, to growing roses, to making love – the list is endless. Some of those ideas might be an  idea that changes how the world works, others may not or may not in a big bang way.

My point is – don’t spend a lot of time comparing. Do a little homework and then follow your intuition. The world is always expanding into new frontiers, from the pony express (days, weeks, months, years?)  to electron mail that is in (milliseconds, seconds, minutes).

Move forward. Take the risk. Copy if you have to – but get out there and then really listen to your intuition so you can make course corrections if beneficial to you and the world.