Many of us spend a significant amount of our energy “not wanting things to be the way they are”. We want it to be different. It can start out looking like “I want X and I don’t have it and I cannot create it”. For example, “I want more business and I don’t have it”, “I want to be skinnier and to look better”, “I want to be noticed by others, I feel ignored”, etc., etc.
Each of these statements, these wants that we continue to hold onto are like boat anchors. As long as we hold onto to them, we create a resistance within our selves to creating what we want. If we can let go of the feelings associated with these wants we will release the energy we are bottling up keeping these wants in place. We can have a want and let go of the “need” or “should” that we attach to the want. Have the want and let it go.
Four Steps to Release Your Resistance:
1. Identify something that you have acquired some emotional attachment to.
2. Now allow yourself to really feel the feelings associated with this want.
3. Now ask yourself if you are willing to let go of this want, or the need or should associated with this want.
4. If so, purposefully let go of the feelings related to this want.
By following these steps you release the energy which you bottle up to hold onto this need or should. By releasing that energy you now have more energy to do what you want in your life.
I have adapted my approach from Hale Dwoskin and his book “The Sedona Method, Your Key to Lasting Happiness, Success, Peace and Emotional Well-being.” This is a great book and I highly recommend it to anyone interested in living a happier and more successful life.
The idea of creating my own time seemed foreign to me when I originally heard of it. We have 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and 52 weeks in a year. How do I create more time.
Let’s take what cost us time first. I have a list of 10 things I want to get done. I prioritize them based on the sense of urgency I feel toward each of those items. Sense of urgency equaling the potential for pain I might feel if I don’t get something done. Simple enough right? No. Yes, some of those urgent things may give you an increase in energy, but quite often the urgent things are a drain on our system. Going out on a limb a bit further, I might add that always putting the urgent things first can turn into a habit, a perpetual cycle.
Now let’s look at our 10 things that we want to get done from the stand point of what will give me a return on my time ©. For me, writing this blog post gives me a boost. I don’t write my blog because I have to write it. I write it because it aligns with my purpose, my direction in life. And when I do write in my blog, my energy level goes up and I have more energy to do those things that I want to get done. In a sense, I have compressed what I can get done into a smaller time frame because I have increased my energy to do what I want to do.
By doing the things that energize us we are investing in our energy thereby increasing it and what we can get done – which results in a return on our time.
My 5 Steps for Creating Time
- Create a list of things you want to do (daily, every other day, weekly, etc.)
- Now prioritize the items on your list based on which items will give you the most energy.
- Start each day working on those things at the top of your list (those energy building task).
- Mid-way through your day evaluate your energy level and your list. Would you get more done continuing to do those high energy activities or would it feel right to switch and get an urgent item off your list? Make a decision and do that thing.
- Periodically take note of your energy level. When you find your energy level dropping ask yourself what it is you really want to be doing now.
I do not see this as a time management technique. I see it as an energy expanding technique that has an investment affect on our time, of creating more time for us to do what I want to do.
Give it a try for a week and let me know in the comments. Or email me your thoughts and reactions at .
Enjoy Achieving Goals by Releasing Attachment. When I first came across this idea I was in a bit of disbelief. In my mind, you set a goal and then you pull out all the stops to achieve it. It may cause pain, it may even cost you relationships – but if you are worth your salt you achieve your goals.
I would talk to my one time mentor about this pain I had in my chest. I felt run down, sad and depressed. I was achieving plenty in my life and, at the same time feeling empty. The analogy he gave me was that a bow needs to be unstrung periodically or it will loose it’s potency. It will have nothing left to give.
What I came to see is that I held goals as things “I had to achieve”. I had become so attached to them that they defined me, my happiness and sense of self. It was not a choice, but a must. I needed them, had to have them, should be achieving them or – I FAILED.
What I want you to get, you can have a goal and pursue it with all the same zest but without the possessiveness. Set your goals and let them go. Follow your intuition and do those things that you feel in the moment will move you the most in the direction of your goals (but without the stick that says I am so attached to achieving this goal I will need to flog myself if I don’t achieve it).
Allow their to be flow, the natural up and down movement forward of the waves in the ocean. If you find yourself stopped in the movement of your goal it might be time to move on to things that do inspire you.
Does this concept make sense to you? Have you held goals in a similar or different way? What is your story?
Real giving of yourself takes heart and I would argue soul. It may look different for you than me, but it is there. For me,
writing. I really like to write once I get started. But what I have noticed is that when I write something that really means something to me takes energy and heart. And the more you can tap into those when you are giving – the better the giving. If I am going to “ship” as Seth Godin” says, and I want to ship something that has really value – it will probably be something that I wrote from my hear and soul.
Don’t just go through the motions in your job, marriage, relationship with your kids – put some heart into it. That is real giving.
The trick with visualization is to visualize and then get on with doing what it is that will bring that visualization into reality. Can visualization alone attract what you want into your life? Possibly. But I see a great deal more evidence of success by individuals adding other key ingredients to their visualization, like passion and action.
I have found that passion and action go a long way toward bringing about the future we want to experience. Visualizing a lot of money in the bank or the love of their life standing next to them, but then never taking the risk to get out there is naive to me.
Visualize and then get out there and passionately pursue your vision and allow your intuition to guide you along they way rather than your fear or want of control.
Ever have that thought, “they’re getting ahead of me”, “they did what I was thinking about doing”, “they are better at it than me”, “I’ll never be as good as them”…the list goes on. You may not say these things, but do you have some parallel thoughts of your own?
So someone is already doing what you thought about doing, great! They are doing it better than you judge you could do it, great! They are way ahead of where you are at – GREAT!
What I experience in my life is continually expanding opportunities. There are so many facets to parenting, to running a business, to growing roses, to making love – the list is endless. Some of those ideas might be an idea that changes how the world works, others may not or may not in a big bang way.
My point is – don’t spend a lot of time comparing. Do a little homework and then follow your intuition. The world is always expanding into new frontiers, from the pony express (days, weeks, months, years?) to electron mail that is in (milliseconds, seconds, minutes).
Move forward. Take the risk. Copy if you have to – but get out there and then really listen to your intuition so you can make course corrections if beneficial to you and the world.
So, what exciting things are you intending for 2012? What really sounds good to you versus what you “should” or “have to” do? I know, you may have things you don’t want to stop doing because of the impact on your life style. But what about the incremental steps you can start taking today to move you in the direction of what you really want to do and experience in your life? Dig down and dream, feel the excitement that comes with putting your ass on the line. Dream big and then take it step by step.
Go for it!
Have you ever found yourself thinking, “I feel good things coming my way”, and then wallah, good things start popping up? I had to laugh this morning as I found myself thinking about the “good” things that have been happening in my life. What made me laugh was that recently I have been expecting good things to happen – and low and behold, good things begin to pop up in my life.
What if they were always there but we are continually looking at what could be different, the gap between what is and what we wish or want it to be? What if we just appreciated what is and loved the unfolding process?
I put “good” in quotes because maybe it is all “good”!
When we continue to hold onto the thought "I don't want", we are investing energy in what we don't want. In affect, we are increasing the likelihood that we will create what we don't want (by focusing our energy there versus focusing our energy on what we do want).
We have a choice to either focus on what we do want or what we don't want, knowing that our focus will move us in the direction of our thinking. If you continue to focus on what you don't want you are choosing to want what you say you don't want.
Below is an exercise to help you become more aware of what you are creating that you say you don't want.
1) Start by listing ten (10) things that you think you don't want (i.e., don't want to do, don't want to experience or don't want to happen). For example, I don't want to miss the date for getting my newsletter article written.
2) Now rewrite your don't wants statements replacing "don't want" with "want". For example, I want to miss the date for getting my newsletter article written. In this way you are taking ownership for the existence of these "don't wants" which are creating more of what you don't want in your life.
3) As you rewrite each statement bring your awareness to what you are feeling in your body. Typically when I fully take ownership of these don't wants in this way I feel them in my chest, a heaviness or sense of self criticalness. After I fully own what I am creating and feel the impact of the associated feelings the need to hold onto my "don't want" thinking and feelings subside.
As I go through these steps, taking ownership for keeping these don't wants in my life, I have found I am much less likely to notice myself thinking in terms of what I don't want. And when I do I can stop and take ownership of how I am creating what I don't want. At that point I can shift to focusing on what I do want – creating more of what I want in my life!
What might this list of thoughts have in common? I don't want to look foolish. I don't want to fail. I don't want to miss the deadline. I don't want to lose money. I don't want to lose my client. I don't want to stay stuck in this job. I don't want to have my kids talk back to me. I don't want my kids to fail. I don't want to hear my neighbors lawn mower. Etcetera.
When a thought is reoccurring we have an investment in it. These thoughts continue to occur because we continue to focus our energy on them. If we had no attachment to them they would cease to come to mind. In reality we are choosing these thoughts by continuing to focus on them. Given we are choosing to invest energy in them one could argue we want these thoughts in our life.
When we focus our energy on what we don't want we are missing opportunities to focus on what we do want. Yes, we want to make room to acknowledge what we don't want. Once we acknowledge what we don't want we have a choice. Do I continue to focus on what I don't want or do I focus my energy on what I do want.
What if there is a correlation between what we get in life and the energy we invest in thoughts of what we want and what we don't want? What could you be focusing your energy right now?
When a "I don't want" thought persist take time to see if there is a feeling below the thought that you could explore. There is a process of exploring and releasing the feelings that anchor these thoughts. I have frequent webinars and teleclasses that cover these issues. Check my up and coming Events page.