From Avoidance to Great Satisfaction – 5 Steps
Fear, it can feel so debilitating or overwhelming, creating avoidance in our lives. There are times when fear and avoidance is good. It keeps us from getting hurt in some way (e.g., stepping in front of a moving vehicle), physically or mentally. And then there are those situations when avoidance can be debilitating and we need to do the thing we are afraid anyway.
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Take for example a conflict at work or in your family. Someone has spoken something to a third party that is either not true or negative, without benefit to anyone and likely hurtful consequences to someone. Addressing a situation like this could be very scary for some people. In other words, addressing conflict=BAD. And yet, leaving this situation unaddressed is very likely more hurtful to everyone involved. It is negative and only lowers the energy of those that are affected and even beyond.
Stepping up and facing into our fears (versus avoiding) in these situations can turn the fear into positive influence, such as re-establishing integrity, building trust, reducing negative influences and developing the courage to take of ourselves. There are many other examples we could mention in the home or at work. It is about facing into the fear that is tide to doing what is right, not what is easy.
Here are 5 steps to make it easier to address situations you may be avoiding.
1. Stop and be willing to acknowledge and be in integrity with your fear.
2. Look to see if you have made up a story about the situation that is making the fear bigger than it needs to be (e.g., she will just turn me down if I ask her out…I am not good enough for her…she is so much better looking than me, etc., etc.,).
3. Now remove the story from the situation. Look at the facts of the situation.
4. Ask yourself how might I feel about myself if I don’t step into and through my fear. If you are honest you will see you would likely feel less confident, less secure, less than, etc.
5. Now ask yourself how you might feel if you do step into your fear and this situation. Again, if you are honest with yourself you will acknowledge that you might feel more self respect, more confident, more capable, etc.
Although this is not a step, it is one of the most important things I can share with you regarding this process. There is no failure.
Regardless of what you choose to do, it is only information. Do it, don’t do it, do it and it feels hard or gets messy. These are all outcomes that we can learn from – versus judging ourselves as good or bad. Keep this in mind, it is a powerful principle in life’s journey.
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