When I lose those extra pounds, when I get that extra money, when he/she calls me, when my spouse apologies to me, when I get another client, when I get a new outfit – the list can go on and on.
The actual goal that we want to accomplish here might be an honorable one. Losing weight might actually save our life or extend it. Working through challenges with a spouse or significant other might make a dramatic difference in our depth of happiness. These goals can be very important to us.
The piece we want to look at is our denial of self acceptance/self love in the process. Denying ourselves self acceptance can be very hurtful to both our mental/emotional state of being and our physical wellbeing. There are many articles and videos out there connecting our physical and mental health (e.g., A Harvard School of Public Health study: Positive Psychology: Harnessing the power of happiness, personal strength, and mindfulness). The point is, we can improve our life and happiness in one area while damaging another.
Looking at it from another angle, do we really think we will keep those pounds off or continue attracting new clients if we are withholding self acceptance from ourselves? Doubtful. In fact, it is likely to make it harder and to have the opposite effect.
Rewards for achieving goals can be healthy motivators. Denying ourselves self acceptance is not. You can choose right now to accept yourself fully regardless of the past, present or possible future situations or conditions of your life.
Choose now and recommit to increasing your awareness in this area of your life.
How Did I Make that Happen Game
Here is a great game that is similar to the game of Clue. The difference between these two games, you can play this game anytime and anywhere!
Take something in your life that you feel is "working" or "not working". Take that working or not working situation and start noodling on how you might have created that situation in your life. I don't mean just the actions you might have taken, but also the inaction, the beliefs, the intentions and the commitments. It may not come to you immediately, in fact, it might take quite a while.
Like playing the game of Clue – you learn who did what where by attentively looking at the different possibilities (clues)! The same holds true with understanding how we create the situations of our life – by attentiveness to what is leading up to (clues) the various situations of our lives.
Another way to play this game is to watch how you are creating the situations in your life from moment to moment. This second approach can be an exhilarating – watching in the moment allows us to make decisions (create our own clues) consciously thus giving us the possibility of altering the outcome to be more of what we want to create!!! Fun stuff, give it a try.